Passover - Movement IV

from Passover by thingNY, Rick Burkhardt

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lyrics

we wanted to celebrate our friend's escape from an abusive marriage
(a marriage many years before Oscar)
(these stories, you may have noticed, are not in chronological order)

we wanted to celebrate our friend's escape from being shamed for his sexuality
being forbidden to leave his house
being forced to give up his money
being screamed at when he forgets to pay a bill being isolated from his friends
the list goes on

and yes,
our friend did escape from that marriage
thank god for divorce

and then our friend entered into a new relationship
so similar to that marriage,
in so many ways,

that we were forced to recognize the truth of what some therapists say: what many people seek in a partner
is a chance to fix what went wrong with their last partner

so we unwittingly seek out partners
who provide us
with the same problems our previous partners did
again and again and again

what we need to escape
is not just the relationship
but the relationship pattern

but, of course,
by the time the pattern manifests itself in your relationship,
you've already been in the relationship for some time
you've already invested in it
and what you invest in an abusive relationship
will rarely be returned to you intact

if you invest kindness in the relationship
the abusive partner will attack your kindness
telling you your kindness is in fact a flaw, a deficit
or telling you your kindness is a disguise for cruelty or meanness

your kindness would normally be telling you to leave
but now your kindness is telling you to stay,
because if you stay, you will have opportunities to prove that you are kind
and that your kindness is good
you want the abuser to see your kindness in a positive light
as it would normally be seen
you want your kindness to prove you deserve to stay in the relationship

you see, the abuser has weaponized your kindness against you

if you are intelligent, the abuser will do the same with your intelligence if you are selfless, the abuser will do the same with your selflessness
if you are moral
same thing

the abuser will weaponize your best qualities against you
and if you escape this relationship,
you will carry these qualities into your next relationship,
still weaponized
these qualities whose main purpose has become
to keep you in the relationship

you will be stronger, and better at fighting,
but also tired from fighting
tired from being strong
tired from experiencing your best qualities as weapons
in a fight with all of them on the wrong side

you will feel correctly that you are damaged
but you will be unable to locate where the damage is
because what has been damaged
is your ability to see what you, and your best qualities, should be fighting for

credits

from Passover, released October 28, 2022
Erin Rogers - lead speaker, tenor saxophone
Andrew Livingston - double bass
Jeffrey Young - violin, voice
Paul Pinto, Gelsey Bell, Dave Ruder - voice

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about

thingNY New York, New York

thingNY is a collective of composer-performers who fuse electronic and acoustic chamber music with new opera, improvisation, theater, text, song and installation. Founded in 2006, thingNY performs experimental sound works created collaboratively by the core ensemble and by composers we like to listen to. ... more

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